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Tuesday, 03 November 2009

Currently
Antichrist Superstar
By Marilyn Manson
see related
Tomorrow

And tomorrow and tomorrow
ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW MADE MY LIFE.
One of the best experiences I've had. Ever. Made a small family almost. Terribly sad at it having to draw to a close.
I bleached out my hair for my role of Riff Raff. Each Time Warp was so fun. Each Sword of Damocles was a joy. Each Hot Patootie was a hoot. And Lasering the same people to death was still awesome. I'll miss it. Until next year.
I got majorly sick during it though, and thought I had swine, because I fit criteria for both regular and swine flu. But I'm better now so it doesn't matter. :)
So people want to go out with me. Several people. All at the same time. Worse part is, they're all amazing people. And they're all ridiculously good looking. WHY. WHY SO COMPLICATED.
But I think I'm picking a good one.
My friend and I made up a story today.
First, Jesus came to her in a dream, and said, "Kelly, touch these markers, and they will be gold, and all that you touch and create will be as well." And it was. And it was good.
Then my part.
I met Jesus once. We were on the playground. He was on my turf. I pushed him.
He fell and scraped his knee and cried.
And thus evil was born into the world.
And His dad didn't care, for He had forsaken him, because he had played frisbee in the house, and broken his mother's favorite dish.
And Mrs. Christ was very displeased, so she punished him as well.
And it was very good.
The End.

All this free time to hang out with friends and actually do homework again :)

Tuesday, 06 October 2009

SORRY I KEEP FORGETTING TO CROSS POST

If you want, go to my LiveJournal for some in between blogs. http://twistedartist2.livejournal.com/

I tried to blog the other day, and was submitting it when I got an error from Livejournal, and the what I assume to have been three Microsoft Word Document page length entry was lost.
This is what I remember from it:
A friend of mine had the lyrics to the song "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" in one of their recent journals.
I thought back to the first time I had listened to the entire song.
Picture a long stretch of highway, wet from a slight drizzle, illuminated only here and there by streetlamps.
Driving the car, my mother. As a passenger, myself. It was four in the morning and I was going to work with her.
We had attempted to go to the Black Friday sales, but the lines were already insane, so there we were, driving through Seekonk, just sitting in the silence with each other.
I was wearing a new coat, my home made fingerless gloves, my favorite scarf, and my Dresden Dolls army hat. I felt like I had been alive for an eternity, and I was ready to just collapse from it. Things weren't going so well with the friends, the family, etc. Boring, routine complaints.
Then the song came on.
I shed a tear; a single drop of eye-lubricating fluid tumbled down my face, revealing just how much the song had moved me, because I had not cried for the longest time prior to that.
I thought first of the song, then of who gave me this gift, my friend H. How we talked and talked about absolutely everything all the time, how we shared each other's emotional pain and joy and excitement. Why would I want to give up on that? How could I?
I wanted to live more. I wanted to be more. I wasn't going to give up so easily from that point on.

The night I was writing about that song, I was taken back to the state of feeling I had that night, but with my physical body sitting alone, cold, in my dorm room. I was gazing out the window into the small lawn area in the rear of my building, the space illuminated by a single streetlight, harsh and yellow. The sky was completely dark, no stars shone.
I was at a divergence. I had been feeling like I might want to just fold up and pass away again. And I remembered.
I remembered all of my good friends, all of the good times I had, how I had turned out to be so immature and inexperienced and delusional at the time when I was originally contemplating this, and how immature and inexperienced and delusional I must be now to have not realized I was giving up again.
I want to keep going, keep running forward, keep evolving.

Retyping and reanalyzing all of this now is still eye opening, because I had slipped back a few notches again in the days between my post-failure. I do want to keep pushing on. I do want to be more. And I need to realize that I'm still so infinitesimally small and young and inexperienced.

Now as an update of my life,
I am in the Rocky Horror Picture Show as RIff Raff, as previously mentioned, and I will be bleaching my hair for it. Go me.
I am dressing up every day this month, in the spirit, just a little bit. I've only pulled a few Manson-inspired pieces until tomorrow.
I will be Lady Gaga Inspired tomorrow.
I will have some pictures up on my art page eventually. Keep your eyes peeled.

I want to kick couples who walk holding hands down flights of stairs.

And I blatantly lied; I never intended this to be brief.
Keep rebelling my loves.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Currently
Predictably Irrational, Revised and Expanded Edition: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions
By Dan Ariely
see related
God Where [and a link to a good video @ end]

did it all go? Last summer lasted for two decades, but this one is just gone.
DRUMROLL. ABOUT TIME FOLKS,
MAYHEM FESTIVAL.
was a great experience. Face makeup prevents sunburn. I didn't know that. Yay.
Went with my friend Liz, who I had only met once before, but internet correspondence works wonders just as well.
I got 17 people directly tell me I looked exactly like Him.
20 more just pointed and stared.
One girl came up to me twice; once asking me if I was available because I was totally hot, and again to take pictures and introduce me to all her friends. I'm pretty sure she brought the one really talkative boy specifically to try and get me to give out more personal information because I was hellbent on not relating to any of them too much lol.
One woman just swooped in with a cell phone and snapped a photo.
One girl said I was lucky she double-taked, because I almost got jump-raped.
One man laughed painfully hysterically as I passed by him twice; the second time I did it back.
Five hours bouncing around, getting caught in extreme moshes, and listening to some pretty good (and pretty bad) bands led up to the main show. Dehydration and exhaustion did not claim us!
The headliners were great.
They saved Manson for Last. I said. HELL. YES.
All the worrisome, painful parts of the day were immediately cleansed as it started.
All the terrifying and gross Mosh Pits? Liz getting thrown about and saving her? Listening to some pretty awful bands? Seeing a man I saw in a porn? DIDN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
I GOT. MANSON SPIT CONFETTI. I picked it up after someone dropped it coming out of the pavilion.
I was complete.

I have to take people in strides.
Sadly I'm no longer able to see my regular counselor because I'll be living on Campus without a car.
I will however be seeing an on-campus counselor every two weeks or so. They're very nice, very accepting. I cracked a murder joke and they understood it was my process.

Now, some whiny relationship bullshit.
I thought I had some love. A tiny piece. Perhaps the ghost of a relationship. Something open?
I don't think so anymore. Somehow it comes off to me that I'm being avoided because I'm not reciprocated.
Yeah, talking about not rushing into things. Good. Talking about quirks and tics. Great.
But when a plan is made, even tentatively, to meet up to just hang out to get to know one another, and it's the day of, and I have to call and ask if you need my address, what right have you to say, "Oh, sorry, I totally forgot, and have something else to do" When you had at least four days to IM, let alone call, to let me know you couldn't do it? How else am I supposed to take it except YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE. I can understand when plans were already in existence. I can understand being flaky. But that's just being rude and hurtful.
So what I really want is to say it to them. But I can't. Not because it'll hurt; I'd like it better if I got the hurt done and over with right then and there. I just...hate how much it has to happen, and how each time it gets a little easier to accept that no one I like ends up liking me back as more than a friend.

HELL YEAH COLLEGE ON SATURDAY
(i'm not ready yet i'm not ready yet i'm not ready yet)
[p.s. the book I was told was reccommended to read for college? About psychology? Sucks. Because it's about people making financial decisions. I love people, and how they work, and how they can be greedy, self-centered bastards, but I can't stand the man's writing style, or how he dissects the entire stock market. I don't like stock markets. I like people (Did I just say that?)]

and now, a link to a video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTo18YvPW-E

Sunday, 02 August 2009

Currently
Coin Operated Boy
By Dresden Dolls
see related
Passing Passing Passing

I really have to wonder at emotion. Even in the most logical situations, over-reaction is just a step away. Things can be plain as day, but one can just ignore it all and fall into that self-absorbed, complete and utter melt down mode that only leads to feeling terrible when whatever it is happens and then embarrassed later on.
For someone so detached from my own emotions most of the time, I can be an idiot when they decide to kick in.
But I do have some hope; I've been told that when a very jarring and important event comes around and I keep my cool, I'm very diplomatic and not as immature as I think I am. I'm still such an ass when I do become emotionally turbulent though.
Mayhem Festival is in 2 COUNT THEM TWO (2) (DOS, ZWEI, DEUX, DWA) days.
Marilyn Manson.
Fantastic.
I'd like to thank the little people that made this possible. And by little, I mean short. And by short people, I mean my parent.
I found someone who's perfectly suited for me, perfectly like me. They live in another time zone, 6/and/or/7 states away. I laughed and cried. We marveled at the irony: they live in the state where I was born, but was taken away from. They live 2 hours from where I would possibly have lived. Marvelous universe we live in, the connections we make and break and pick up.
I watched A HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT tonight. It was fairly good as far as horror today can go. Decent. Follows in the vein of Amityville Horror and the Exorcist. No clue what's going on, but it has its scary moments. Remind me never to make anything without eyelids ever again.
And I wish ectoplasm would billow forth from my orifices. Orifici. Why can't that be a word?
On a Happier note, I drew on the back of an advertisement on a mall table, advertising an insurance company I made up for my art project. I put it in the plastic display like a real advertisement. Let's see if I get any visits on the art page.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

I was trying to help

I caused a situation that kind of ruined my mildly enjoyable streak of life lately. And if anyone tries to assume I'm blaming other people for it, they don't deserve to read my blog.
Things had been going pretty damn well, I was having fun, I was avoiding getting a job (because logic is logic and no one is going to hire a kid who's about to leave for college halfway through the summer only to lose the money and time on training this lazy bastard), I was in the clear for anything. I've been hanging out with friends. My wisdom-teeth-surgery-post op healing is going extremely well. I'm getting to spend some time at a local graphic design firm, which might score me a little work.

The things I've done that are classifiably bad in the past three weeks as follows:
By my rules:
Made a friend cry with a movie
Hit on several people I shouldn't have because I'm fucking lonely folks. I'm a whore? I'm a fool.
Questioned my existence
Was late 10 minutes to pick up mom (because I was dropping someone she told me to give a ride to off)
Half hour late to pick up mom

by mother's rule:
Sucked at everything I did
Picked up mom 10 minutes late by her clock, right on time for her scheduled work hours
Didn't apply for a couple of jobs because I'm lazy (very true, also very arguable)
Wanted to do something nice, and am thus a taxi service and door mat for everyone.

I won't point out the overlapping events because it doesn't matter.
I wanted to be a nice person. I got a call to see if I could go, pick up, and drop off someone at their place of employment because a friend asked me to. I had an hour. Half hour or so to and back. All good.
Traffic. Whatever excuse I can think of. Doesn't justify shit.
I was half an hour late to be back and pick up my mom.
I was unaware that she had something to do after work.
I was not thinking clearly enough.
I am grounded. I can no longer use the car. I will be removed from the insurance. I am getting no money for college. I have to "help out more around here" (meaning I have to still do all the chores I already do, and then get a job for no reason except to have more of my own money [which I already am using]), and I'm not getting any more money from her (which I haven't needed since the end of school because I have money in the bank), or any more help from her, ever again.
I don't understand. I get told to be a good, solid friend, to make choices that are morally and ethically charged; to be a good person. I guess it only means to be a good person if it doesn't interfere with scheduling. I thought that what I was doing was a good thing, that it made me a nice person, that it made me worthwhile because I'm usually good for nothing. Instead, because I chose to be a good person, I ended my hypothetical life as I knew it to be.

The irony: she called her friend to come and pick her up, then tried to make me feel bad about it, even though I was someone's friend who got called to pick someone up.
Also a fun note: when she gets mad, she starts trying to use big people words, instead of the usual swears and cusses. It's a failure. I die a little each time, because I'm laughing on the inside while she's taking away my life.